


Hux doesn't like unnecessary cruises

by Lizzy_Lizard



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Funny, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-05-04 04:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14584968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizzy_Lizard/pseuds/Lizzy_Lizard
Summary: It's just Hux's luck that the annual First Order Vacation happens to be at the same time and place as the Resistance's cruise. Only one thing is certain, this is going to get very, very interesting.Lol this is just one big nerd joke that goes completely against canon and takes place after The Last Jedi. Enjoy.





	1. 1. An unfortunate incident on the galactic cruise ship.

**Author's Note:**

> To Armitage from Rey. Your probably going to be the only person that actually reads this lol.
> 
>  
> 
> Oh and also this takes place after The Last Jedi and Phasma survived the fight with Finn.

Day 1

It's just my luck that right when I think things are finally going my way, someone (Ren) tells me that I have to pack my stuff because the entire First Order is going on a cruise. Okay, where do I even begin? Our new supreme leader Kylo Ren decided that his first major decision as supreme leader was making annual First Order cruises a thing. I could have lived a good long life without having to cruise the galaxy with a bunch of morons. The weird thing is, apart from Phasma I think that everyone was excited to go. I  ~~politely~~ ,  ~~nicely,~~ I asked Ren if I could stay back while the rest of the First Order went on their dumb little cruise. He said I had to come and I honestly think that it was just to drive me crazy. So I thought as I got onto our little cruise ship, 'well at least things can't get any worse.'

Well I have only been here for one day and guess what? It got worse. It got much worse. First, we got sent to our rooms. Apparently though they are hosting another smaller group at the same time as us though so they don't have room for us all to have our own rooms. So guess who has to share a bunk bed with Ren? Of course, who else, I do. Of all of the rude words I could say none would begin to express how I feel right now. Ren wanted the top bunk but I claimed it first hoping I could at least get some form of vengeance. Ren looked angry but at least he didn't destroy anything. After that we unpacked. I only brought the essentials, in fact I brought less than that. I wasn't allowed to bring my toothpaste, but Ren was allowed to bring his entire stash of coffee creamer. If there was even a word to express the annoyance...

Moving on, after unpacking I went to talk to the pilot of the cruise ship. He was some old guy that wouldn't show his face to me. He hid behind a chair with a hood over his head. He had a strong accent, but his voice sounded vaguely familiar. I asked him who the other group was, and he said that he didn't know but they were picking them up right now. I saw his gloved hand turn on a tractor beam, and then looked down at the ship they were bringing in. I knew that this trip was a bad idea from the beginning but now I was sure that it would kill us all.

At that moment Ren just so happened to walk in and, seeing the ship they were pulling in yelled at the pilot to "shoot that piece of junk out of the sky." Then suddenly it was as if his face came to a quick realization, and he said in an oddly rehearsed sounding voice, "Never mind, actually." After that he proceeded to laugh nervously. As I walked out I jabbed him with my bony elbow and didn't wait for his reaction. Of course the Resistance was here, why wouldn't they be. This trip was just one bad thing after another, they were sure to show up at some point anyway.

I proceeded to gather a few troopers hoping that we could just shoot down the entire resistance while they walked through the door, but Ren passed me in the hall before I could do anything. I saw him headed towards the door and assumed that he was going to kill them and I didn't need to get the troopers. I was relieved actually, besides the troopers would probably miss them anyway. But when that scavenger girl opened the door, Ren proceeded to whisper a couple of things and then they both snuck into the janitor's closet. The rest of the pitiful Resistance didn't come out for another five minutes and when they did I hid behind a corridor so that they didn't notice me. I realized that where I was standing was right outside the closet Ren and the scavenger were in. 

I put my ear to the door and listened. All I could make out though was the girl asking Ren if everything was in order, and him telling her that it was. Suddenly the door started to open and I found myself running down the hallway. I heard the girl yell something so I ran into my room and hid. That's where I've been all night. I don't know how this trip is going to go but one thing is certain, it's going to be very, very interesting.


	2. Answering pointless questions with people you want to kill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Armatige, if you dare spoil ANYTHING in the comments, Rey is going to kill you. (Or rather, she'll tell Ren to do it for her.)

Day 2  
I woke up hiding underneath the bunk bed. Ren had taken my stuff and put it on the bottom bunk, but I wasn't angry about that now. I had to figure out what was going on with the Resistance. I quickly got up brush my teeth, remembered that I had no toothpaste, and went into the hallway. I walked for a bit but then quickly bumped into a dude who claimed to be the cruise director. He said that his job was to make sure that everyone on the ship was having fun and after I told him that that probably wasn't going to happen he simply slapped my back and said, "we'll see."

He appeared to be a regular guy, but I had to be sure he wasn't a force user. I had definitely had enough of those on this trip so far. When I asked him where the rebel scum was he asked my why. But when I told him that I wanted to kill them, he replied that there would be no killing on this trip. He said that our job was to relax because, "It's a cruise." There are plenty of unhelpful people in this world, (Ren being a primary example) but at this moment none were more so than this man.

He told me that there would be trivia later today and that everyone was meeting up in the party room. I replied that there was no way that I would be answering pointless questions with people I wanted to kill and walked off. I hoped that he got my message.

He may have gotten the message but there was one person that it was just as pointless to argue with, as it was pointless to answer trivia questions with. When Ren told me to get to the party room because we were all going to play trivia I knew that either I did it, or I argued for an hour then did it. 

When we got there, a group of rebels and a few stormtroopers had come to watch. The cruise director said that there would be two teams of three. Before I could hide in the crowd though, Ren had walked up to the front, and was force pulling Phasma and I up with him. As we went up Ren told me to give him all the answers, so we could win this thing. Typical. The cruise director then asked for another team to come up. I already figured that the scavenger would show up but now she brought two friends with her: FN2187 and that disrespectful pilot that called me pasty. 

The cruise director asked everyone's names then told us that one of the main goals of their cruises were to help people "make friends." After explaining this, he said that in order to help people get to know each other he was moving one person from each group to the other group. I prayed that it wouldn't be me, and when he chose Ren I was actually happy for once. Then he chose someone from the other group. I couldn't see Phasma's face through her mask but I knew she was enraged when they picked FN2187 to be on our team. Of course they did. Well it was honestly better than having Ren on the team.

Before the game started I could see Ren ask the girl to give him all the answers. The first question was really dumb "what species is Yoda?" I don't see why they had to ask us pointless questions that everyone knows the answers to. And the fact that the question was about the jedi made it even worse. I was so busy thinking about how dumb the question was that it caught me off guard when the scavenger answered before I could. Ren complained that she was supposed to give the answers to him but she said that she could answer if she wanted. The strange thing was, he didn't argue back! We really need this girl on the dark side because she's the only one Ren will listen to.

The pointless questions continued for a while, and we were tied. The girl was smart but I was fast. Maybe we would have won if Phasma would have quit fighting with FN2187. The pilot on the other team didn't seem to be doing anything either. The girl was answering for their team. Finally the last question came up, and we were still tied. I didn't care about this. Not in the slightest, but there was a part of me that just wanted to beat Ren to make him suffer for how much he disgusted me.

The tension was high when the cruise director asked the final question. It was "what is General Hux's first name?" I almost laughed, the girl was certainly stumped, and I knew that Ren didn't know it either. He had told me in the past that he didn't care what my long boring name was. I started to say it before Ren put his hand up to use the force on me. Before I could say it, my jaw was locked in position and I couldn't talk. Then, I felt Ren force read my mind. He answered the question, and for the first time he actually said my name correctly. Armitage. My name sounded disgusting coming out of his mouth. The rest of the day, he and his team made fun of my team and bragged. Of course they did. I hate it out here. I hate it so much. And to think it's only been two days.


	3. The mommy son date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Armitage, Rey would like to apologize for forgetting about your entries. It’s not that she could care less it’s just... well really she could care less about you and your problems, but Ben told her to put out the last 12 entries anyway. He said he looked cooler in them than the first two.

Day 3  
This morning I woke up to hear Ren talking to himself in the bathroom. ‘Do I go to the mommy son date?’ was all I could make out. In confusion I I walked to the bathroom door to listen in, only for the door to be opened in my face. I fell to the floor clutching my nose, blood spilling between my fingers. “Ren?” Was all I could say before he ran out of the dorm his arms waving behind him. Idiot.

I planned to stay in the dorm, so no one tried to get me to do anything like yesterday. My plan was predictably foiled when the cruise director burst into the dorm, his arms spread wide singing, “ANOTHER WONDERFUL DAY ON THE GALACTIC CRUISE SHIP!”

Oh loathsome day. It wasn’t a minute before the cruise director linked arms with me and dragged me to the bridge where it seemed most of the guests had been taken. Then with an annoying voice he yelled for all of the “mommy son” pairs to get to the front. Not a soul went up. Then I saw the strangest thing I’ve ever seen, I still can’t tell if it made me want to laugh at Ren, or call him a traitor. The old resistance lady was walking to the front of the bridge with Ren awkwardly holding her arm. I could hear the scavenger squealing “yay Ben!” from the crowd.

The cruise director made a cheesy statement, then told us all that the boys who didn’t have a mother on board would be assigned their “mommy for the day.” I let out a cry of panic and tried to get away, but as I heard him call out the name Armitage Hux I froze. It felt like a stupidly long moment before my “Mommy’s” name was called out but when I heard “Rey” come out of his mouth I bolted. Before I could get out the door though I felt the scavenger tug on my collar, then drag me to the front of the room with a multitude of other awkward guests. 

Then the director told us that for the whole day the “sons” would get to do what their mothers wanted them to do. I didn’t think I would ever find myself dressed in an ewok costume that matched that of a nobody from Jakku, watching distastefully as she slurped a smoothie and anxiously watched Ren try not to make a fool of himself in front of his mother, but there I was. The cruise director never told us we had to match outfits but it seemed Ren and Leia were also dressed the same. What kind of a weird form of torture was this. For once I amost felt sorry for Ren.

The day couldn’t have gone by any slower but when dinner finally rolled along, I had already been read to several times, and had been yelled at for the marks on a report card that I had seen the cruise director handing out copies of to random pairs. Now I found myself sitting at a table with the scavenger on my left, Ren sitting in front of me, and Leia sitting in front of the scavenger. 

No one spoke a word until the waiter came out, then we ate in near silence making very quiet, awkward conversation. Whose idea was this? At the end of the night I finally escaped to the dorm, but not without seeing the general of the resistance give our supreme leader a hug saying “I’m glad your back Bennie!” 

I knew he was a traitor from the beginning but now I was completely certain, no one could ever bow down to supreme leader Bennie.


End file.
